We're now half way through the year and I've been feeling somewhat down. It's got to do with feeling homesick, elements of displacement and wondering if I'd ever fit into any where other than with BFL. I'm still at that part-time temp job with no prospective jobs in the horizon. It's depressing and I've been voicing my concern - wondering if any one would give me a chance. I've seen more than a few jobs that I think I would love to do and be part of that particularly organisation. Knowing the competition, I'm not even sure if I stand a chance but no harm trying ...
I've tried. God, I've tried. The number of applications I've written and sent in. It's as if it's all sucked up into a black hole - never to be heard of again. That's on top of being rejected. I've written about rejection ... that the sting doesn't get any less painful even if tell yourself you'd get use to it.
Lord, when will I find a place of work that would offer some both security of income and a place where I can be gainfully engaged? Will I ever find that place ...? To be as successful as my siblings and be able to afford to provide for my parents and my family ... to have that house and a garden in a safe leafy suburb completed with convenience of facilities and amenities. A kitchen with an island. To be able to afford a couple of children, the help needed, being able to provide the best necessities my money can buy ...
That's all I ask really ... while it doesn't sound like much .. it is really quite alot. As the weeks, months go by ... I can't help but wonder if it would ever be so. Will I ever find that job and income that is a crucial step towards being able to afford all the above ... time is not on my side - age at least ... I am in medical terms a geriatric mother if ever I decided to try for a child. It is a known fact that the older you are, the harder it is ...
I'm honestly despairing ... Lord, you promised that your plans are to prosper us, not to hurt us. I claim that promise of 'prosperity'. To prosper and be productive in whatever I do ... family, work, income ...
Help ... I need your encouragement that I am here in this country, at this mature age for a good reason ... other than finding my soul mate and building a lifetime together, I need too to be able to achieve goals and dreams set for myself.
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