Is it because Mum had just died? The grey blustery summer day? The fact that am on my own - typing to the loud ticking of the kitchen clock? My feeling tired - because it will soon be 'that time of the month'... that's making today feel so hard to get through?
A combination of all the above I suppose. I've learnt today while speaking to the doctor that that monthly tiredness is caused by one's progesterone peaking where one feels it more as one age. I'm now slotted in to a slew of tests - beginning from my next bleed which would be next month so the good lady doctor can assess my biological status quo and advise whether IVF is needed or not. Apparently most women my age wanting to get pregnant are naturally slotted into IVF treatment. So, there may be a possibility of twins after all! ;)
One shot and that's it. Very efficient way of having chidlren ... just the looking after would be doubly hard and we would be doubly exhausted.
But we are looking forward to new, happier beginnings. To happily welcome a new arrival having now tearfully seen mum depart. Life ...
So that's one step towards that direction of getting preggers. Admittedly I do find it a monumental challenge. Harder than any thing I ever thought about embarking on. While we can make preparations, we are actually dealing with variables that are beyond anybody's control ... to actually bring a child to this world is a miracle in itself. I suppose you don't think of it so much when you're younger ... but the odds are in reality stacked up against you. Chances of things going wrong is probably greater than things going right. So every one of us, living breathing, living are indeed a miracle in our own right!
Yet, this dull heavy feeling remains ... maybe I just need a nap or something ...
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