Sometimes ...

There is sometimes the temptation to look back and feel sorry for oneself.  It's a futile thing to do since one can no longer undo the past. But I suppose 'looking back' is essential at times.  Particularly to take stock of 'what was', 'what i's and 'what will be' or rather what one chooses life to be.

I had as you've already gathered made a couple of huge mistakes in my life.  I married the wrong man.  I knew he was wrong but I thought he could change.  When we divorced soon after,  I then met another who was obviously wrong from the start but again, I chose to ignore my instincts.  He turned out to be a psychopath - convinced that his ways are the best even if it meant hurting others - physically, emotionally and mentally along the way. 

In this case, I arguably sillier than others.  Instead of once bitten twice shy.  It's twice bitten thrice shy.  My biggest fault is that I have vague borders .  I tend to give people a benefit of doubt.  Forgive too easily.  Psychopath like people who already have problems with borders will simply mean I'm easy kill.

Suffered I did.  To this day, I'm still wary.  The psychopath couldn't take my drawing the lines.  When I left, he went beserk.  First, it was bribery and flattery - all sorts of gifts and bribes, promising the world and change simply to get me back.  When that didn't work, he took to stalking.  He had my place watched. He knew all my movements. When I took a flight out with my sister and family I discovered to my horror he turned up seated next to me! 

When he could no longer trace me, he took to defamation.  From writing all sorts of defamatory accusations on the web he went one step further by bribing the police.  The finally published a 'wanted' criminal report int he local papers - alledging that I was wanted for assault and that I had gone missing and the police couldn't find me (even if my address was also published).

When I found out, my blood ran cold.  I had wisely chosen to distance myself from all his conniving schemes.  I took to travelling.  Seeing places in the world that I've always yearned to see ever since reading about it in the National Geographic magazine as a child.  This led to enrolling myself in a language course.  French - a language that is so 'Oolala!' which I hope to speak well one day.  This was followed by a very demanding postgraduate course with an internationally acclaimed organization.  For a year I lived, ate, slept books, research, papers etc.  Ignorance was indeed bliss ... 

Until a friend had to draw my attention to that defamatory article published in all local papers. I reeled in horror. To say the least.

So there you have it, I am allegedly a 'wanted woman'.  Admittedly, sometimes I seethe in rage at the unfairness of it all.  In my heart of hearts, I so want revenge.  That he would have his come uppence.  That he would suffer a slow excruciating debilitating affliction consequences of his own evil designs.  

But what can I do? What could I do? Even if I hired a lawyer to sue the papers and the police, my former country of residence has a system corrupt to the core.  He's slick and scheming enough to not leave evidence in his wake.  You know it's him.  But you simply cannot prove it.  He also has the means to get the establishment - particularly the police, eating out of his palm.

It was a witch hunt.  The plan was to smoke me out so he and all on his payroll would eventually swoop in to do their meanest.  Can't have what one wants, destroy her for others.  He is labelled a 'psychopath' for good reasons. And I now live in not so ignorant bliss that my  name has been unfairly smeared and reputation damaged.

In spite of that, by the grace of God I stand.  Tempted as I am to argue my case at least to write back in protest (along the lines of 'HOW DARE YOU! BL**DY PIECE OF S***!) I've chosen instead of walk away (with the exception of this blog where real identities kept anonymous).  He's since been relegated to the toxic category.  Which, in other words is a waste of time. Instead, I've chosen to concentrate my energies on moving onward and upwards in spite of who I am and the mistakes I've made. 

And so here I am.  All the hours with my nose buried in books, hard work and sleepless nights have culminated in a worthy merit.  The 'cherry on top' is meeting a kind and loving man who has turned out to be my best friend and lover.   And we have been very happy so far.

And what about the psychopath?  Shouldn't one at least attempt to redeem my reputation.  I've thought long and hard.  It is merely a trap set.  The recourse can not remedied by any human intervention, I'm afraid.  But 'vengence is Mine' - says my God.  And so it is.  So far, though I've felt the sting of his conniving ways I've not been harmed in any way.  My life instead have turned thankfully for the better. 

I can't say very much for hi  since I don't make it my business to know what goes on in his life.  But I can bet when one dabbles with all manner of insidious intrigues, it will catch up with him eventually.  Even in his sleep he will have no peace.  Living a life with no peace is truly hell on earth. Only through his doing.