Round peg, square hole ...

I suppose all of us at one stage of our lives or another have felt like we didn't fit in - like a round peg in a square hole.  It's one of those things ... looking for a place to fit in.  A comfortable, familiar environment that one can thrive in.

I am, like everyone else yearn for that ... a place to 'fit in'.  More so now that I'm working in this new country of origin.  More often than not, it's that gut feeling that tells you whether you've 'found' the right place or not.   Sometimes without rhyme or reason you simply just 'know'.  Instincts process information far swifter than logic and reason tend to claim.  Meeting BFL for instance, I eventually 'knew'.  It was as if we've known each other for longer than it actually was and loving being together that marriage was naturally the next step.

 Job wise, it's a little trickier.  There's not only the job to reckon with but most importantly having to get along and like the people you're put with.   That usually spells complications altogether ...

Anyhows, this new job has lots to do.  It's engaging and I do feel that I am not only being challenged but am learning the ropes of a set up.  Yet, there's the colleagues to be reckon with.  I am to date the only non-British on the team.  My name my sound very anglophile but essentially, I am Malaysian and the 'temp'.  I don't speak with the same accent, to the core of it I don't look the least bit like them.  That's just touching on the superficial ... at the core of it all, they view me with a kind of 'reservation' while I try my very best to get on and assist.

I know at the heart of it all, because I am not essentially British I will never be able to 'fit in' like the new recruits have done.  I guess I shouldn't take it so personally either ... none of them actually knows what the future holds or a clue about their employment contract.   Admittedly, that not knowing - for someone the likes of me is somewhat worrying.  Yet on the flipside, at the end of the three weeks where I come off my temp contract, I would know whether there is indeed opportunities to venture onwards in this set up or to look elsewhere.  Oh, the uncertainty of it all!

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise, but God I sure worry.  I know you have been faithful so far.  You've not allowed me to fall in such a manner that I would beg for my keep.  That would have been the case had it been with A C.  She by her actions forced me to choose to mindlessly 'follow her' or to trust You.  I chose You.  And you have been amazing so far ...

So Lord, even as I worry ... feeling a little demoralised and marginalised by uncertainty I know Lord You will somehow see me through.  You have made rivers in deserts and made a way for me to be here when there was no way.  And you will essentially do the same in this instant.

I pray Lord that when I do feel low like this, remind me of your goodness and how lucky I am.