Man down

 

BFL is down with a temperature.   I suspect its this false sense of summery warmth that has deluded BFL into dressing lighter. Yet in actual fact it is colder than the fact that we're actually in summer.  My explanation:-  It’s been an accumulation of summery chill (ironically enough) that’s finally taken BFL’s immune system down … coupled with the fact that he’s had some rather stressful days at work before the Spring break.

Stress and cold.  Two variables - enough to make one feel under the weather.  Poor fella.  Usually he’s tough as an ox.  I’m the one who’s always complaining about aches and pains … while he seems to be oblivious about it all.  But more often than not it is people like these – who seem to have immune systems of steel that when they go down, they really go down bad.

Although am not feeling exactly peachy myself, I'm healthy compared to the darling that's feeling poorly.  Am keeping fingers crossed that it won’t be so bad this time around.  Last spell was terrible.  It wasn’t only chills, it was cold sweats and soaring temperature.  So much so that I had to make him change out of his soaked jammies in the night.

Must make mental note to buy manuka honey and stock up on citrusy fruits.  Lemon and grapefruits seem to be rather popular bet. 

Thing is if he calls in sick tomorrow, I won’t be there to nurse him.  Got to work tomorrow.  Praying he’ll be feeling better tomorrow …

Mini trips

With better weather, the sun finally showing itself, BFL and I have been making day trips exploring parts of the country nearby.  Oxford on the bus.  Ashmolean museum.  A stroll down the river only to discover it was actually rowing season.  And there I was wondering if the students in Oxford were slogging hard in their rooms studying for exams ...!  Instead it was BBQs and Pimms as many frolicked and cheered their rowing teams.  It was all rather atmospheoric - which am rather pleased BFL and I had the chance to soak in.

Today, we were down it the country.  Other than the usual routine of church and lunch, BFL and I moseyed down to Fernhurst, Petworth and even caught a spot of polo. 

And we're now back planning for tomorrow ... fingers crossed the sun will show us his face. 

Spring break and living it!

BFL was given Friday off this week.  Next week Monday is yet another bank holiday.  Spring break - or something along those lines.  The difference between bank holidays here and public holidays (as it is known in my country of origin) is the fact that holidays here are mainly associated with the changing of the seasons while in  Malaysia it's linked to either a religiously and culturally linked - where it's some form of new year or religious celebration where good triumphs over evil.

That aside, the plan was to mosey down to the Isle of Wright (?) (did i spell that right?) depending on weather.   Although it's spring - or technically temperatures have plummeted making it the coldest spring since 1979 - so it is reported.  I guess much like many that simply made it easier to stay home than brave the rain and cold and be miserable in the process.

So what we ended up doing was mosey up to the British Museum.  There's the special Pompeii exhibition I've been wanting to see ever since its launch in March.  Speaking of Pompeii, I've always found the place fascinating ever since Mum told me about the place.  How archeologist found the place - a place where time stood still from the moment disaster struck.  How its inhabitants were found mummified from the aftermath of volcanic eruption ... as a child, the tale of a place so unique held my imagination.  Back of my wee mine that I thought, wouldn't it be grand simply to have a chance to investigate first hand.  This said, along with the pyramids in Egypt, Machu Picchu in Peru ...

Who would have thought that would all now be possible?  In fact, I've ticked off Machu Picchu off my list since.  Braving altitude sickness, fatigue and elements we finally got to see the the wonder of Machu Picchu nestled high up in the mountains - shrouded by the cloud forests.  'Cloud forests' ... that term simply has a magical ring to it.  As settlement is so far up the mountains, the shifting elements simply mean clouds would drift in and out depending on the direction of the wind.  Hence, it eluded discovery until 1911.

I've gone off tangent regaling tales of far off places.    Most of all, having the opportunity actually living it!

Although, we didn't get to see Pompeii exhibit (it was fully booked till 7 pm), we did get to see some of the galleries in the museum that we've missed.  Also, Pompeii could be next on our places to visit ... it is after all only a couple hours flight away ...

Speaking about next breaks, BFL and I will be flying over to Berlin in a couple weeks for a christening.  BFL is being made godfather to little Y - the son of a friend whom BFL have known for more than a decade.  That would be my first visit to former East Germany ... how exciting!

To think once upon a time ago when I was first a student here, I was determined to see as much of Europe possible.  The cheapest way - via inter-railing.  I was ambitious.  I bought rail passes that allowed me to train it from Western Europe all the way to Eastern europe.  Little did I know how tiring and challenging the trip would be.  By two weeks, I had reached Austria ... and by then, I had run out of steam and wanted so much to be back in England where I could at least understand the sign boards.

That was before smart phones came along ... we had to refer to maps, guidebooks and make bewildering calls (when we finally figured out how to use the phone numbering system in which ever country and place we were in), pray that someone understands English just to make bookings.  Boy, am I glad internet and technology came along ... it makes all that a breeze!

Am rambling!  Best leave it for now ...

Registration and the following ...

We finally after nearly 9 months of marriage got round to consulate of my country of origin to register our marriage.  All necessary administrative aspects of having married foreign.  BFL had to swear on the bible to do the necessary ... however, with passports with UKBA, followed by a wee mess up on our initial attempt a few weeks ago (my bad, I forgot a necessary document and got a dressing down in the process - yes by some rather frustrated lady in the consulate!), then followed by BFL forgetting his passport on attempt number 2, we finally got third time right. Admittedly, I was dreading having to go back ... after being told off on our first attempt.  I was rather glad on our second attempt BFL forgot his passport so we had to abandon the trip (he was mortified, I was rather relieved). I could very well just ignored having to do the necessary ... but needs must.  BFL after all swore on the bible and he can't very well go back on his word.  Unless he's got no scruples ... thankfully NOT.

I was expected to be treated with disdain yet again but for some reason our third visit was surprisingly pleasant.  The lady who attended to us was from my home town.  What was surprising about the entire whole dealings was her suggestions that I should 'join them'.  I initially thought she was asking me to join their church in London but she actually meant join the consulate. 

BFL thinks its a wonderful idea ... but I do have my reservations.  This is dealing with my former country.  As much as I love it, they are not the easiest people to reckon with (having had at least 5 years working experienced dealing at it) and having to deal with politicians that I have not much respect for.  I honestly have to pray about it. 

Then there's the stalker ... I wonder if he found out I was at the high commission would he make things difficult for me.  I don't want to be found.  Lord please let him nor his henchmen find me. 

So there we have it, as smoothly as that all went, these are my thoughts on the prospects.  Not very enthusiastic but Lord, if it is your will that I be placed in a liasing role as such, then you would not only make a way, but bless my route and have me prosper and be productive in what I do to bring about the change You desire.   Also most importantly surround me with good colleagues.  People who are kind and understanding and people that I can work with and develop from there. 

Amen.

Fitful dreams

I've been having fitful dreams of my past.  Dreams that are both bewildering and disturbing.  Not quite full fledged nightmares, I wake up both unsettled (like one is caught between a dream and a reality) and anxious.  Almost always I reach out to BFL for reassurances.  He is my reality now.  My life here.  That was all in the past.  A haunting past that I tried to make the best of but lost all hope in the process ... and yet one that refuses to 'let go'.  At least stalker is still at large.

Admittedly, I on the other hand out of curiousity occasionally take a peek back to see what's happening to the lot of characters that used to play fairly significant roles in that past life.  With social media all that is quite possible.  I say 'quite' only if their profiles on facebook are made public.  I do miss the dogs and find myself wondering whether they are being taken care of and loved as much I did when I was there with them.  And yes, there is a twinge of regret and remorse having left them - which I don't think I would ever get over.  I do have dreams of them now and again.  Almost always one having to say 'goodbye' - to tear myself away from one I once used to affectionally call my 'furkids'.  It's reliving the sadness all over again.  Being emotionally vested in those cute furry friends who at that stage in my life were the only creatures that gave me purpose of being. 

I guess God had bigger and better plans for me.  While dogs may be one of his loved creatures, He probably thought I'm better off vesting my efforts in raising mini-frosts - perhaps?  Soon?  That's one 'project' in the works.  BFL now thinks its a good idea to start a family sooner rather than later - with age catching up on us.  Scary yet exciting prospects.  That's something I forsee would occupy a fair amount of my time - researching and making efforts to prepping up for pregnancy etc.

Back to those dreams.  I have to admit, that sometimes these dreams materialise unprompted.  Out of the blue almost.  The one that bewildered me on Friday or was it Saturday night now ... was a semblance of him still looking but never ever finding me in the way and state he hoped.  It was comforting to know I was being 'protected' shielded from his conniving ways.  But what disturbed me most was being presented a folder of sorts of keys.  Puzzled, I argued with the rather blurry character that I had returned all keys and there was nothing of his with him.  But this person said, these are keys he wants you to have.  Keys to all his assets - his home, his shops.  It was like being presented everything he ever truly owned 'lock, stock and barrel'.  The bewilderment woke me up.  I knew I didn't want them.  And I knew I had to dispose of them fast.  But the residing dogs - whether or not they are still there made me pause for a moment.  The dogs.  The dogs I loved fiercely.  They kept me going, kept me together because I loved. 

The dream last night was appalling.  Again I was being surrounded by people who protected me from his insidious schemes.  This time, I saw the stuff he got his henchmen to do to drive me out of my 'protection'.  But my fortress stood firm. And the people surrounded me with support and comfort.  It felt as if I was safely remotely watching all that went on in his conniving sphere.  Although safe, I couldn't help be alarmed that one could stoop so low.  And he hadn't stopped and will for the rest of his life try to force 'the one that got away' back into his domination.  I have become an obsession of his.  To spite.  To seek forgiveness.  I hope it is the latter but it looks more like the former.

Time to immerse myself into my present reality.  We are not meant to stay in the past.  It's very disconcerting.  To be in two places at once.  Must calibrate and bring self into present wonderful reality.  Where there's simply so much to look forward to, and hope.

Here's to upwards and onwards! 

Blogging for the sake of blogging

Admittedly, there have been spells where I write for the sake of making up the numbers of one's blog.  Determined to beat last month's number of blogs but not quite having the heart nor topic to write passionately about. 

Call it a lack of discipline or focus?  But with so many things to do in a day, one needs to priorities and unless this is a major income earning enterprise then perhaps I would be deigned to focus a little more effort into writing about a pet issue that's been bugging me for days/weeks/years.  At the moment most entries are more of diary entries:

Dear Blog,

We met the girls for dinner yesterday at Paddie.  We went Malaysian.  Food was good but there was alot of seemingly big shots malaysians along with their entourage also eating in that restaurant.  We had to be careful what we said and steered clear of any discussion related to the recent general election.  BFL who've since become very accustom to the the only chap amongst us girls was slightly dismayed who couldn't get a beer to drink (after a long hard week).  But we made up for that by taking him to a pub after dinner.  He not only had the drink he's been craving for he also had some proper English dessert rather than the somewhat salty versions we had in the restaurant.  The night ended with more plans to meet up the following week.  Next stop a comedy show and probably some dinner and maybe a trip to Greenwich for the weekend.

The end.

That was yesterday.  Today's yet to fully unravel itself.  Other than the slightly damper and cooler slant the weather has taken, we are set off to get ourselves some long overdued haircuts.  We should be looking sharp by the time we get to Mum tomorrow.  BFL especially.  He looks so handsome after his nice cut.

Off we pops. 

Another work week done ...

Another week gone.  Another week done.  This time it was relatively busy with much computer work to be done.  As much as I've tried to 'tidy' up - there's still much to do in the new week.  I think am getting along better with my colleagues.  Key word 'think'.  My colleagues seems pleasant enough.  The prima donna seem to be warming towards me.  Perhaps she's finally realise that I' not really a threat.  Am there to help and as much as she faffs about, I still hold the utmost respect for her.  She knows her work like the back of her hand! A walking encyclopedia.  And oh, what memory.  It's not wonder she faffs - mainly because the main being former officers tends to overlook her talents.  It's just the way she is.  Were I in her shoes, I would probably have left rather than brave the sometimes overbearing patronizing ways of former officers.

I like to think she likes me.  I hope so.  I know I've not been the most flattering in my descriptions of the prima donna, it was a description of a matter of fact.  As much as I hoped to find favour with what I do and with the right people, I don't expect to always be liked.  It's life simply.  You can't always get what you want.  Having said that, you can always hope.

While we're still on the work front, I think I may have other temp job prospects in the works.  All a matter of waiting ... in the mean time, it's back to filling more application forms and making sure it's submitted within deadlines given.

Fingers crossed. Upwards and onwards.  Looking forward to yet another enjoyable weekend with BFL.

And now we're into the darling buds of May ...!

May.  The fifth month of the year. We're effectively well past the quarter of 2013 and nearing the half way mark.  Admittedly, with all that's going on I've not quite had the time to update this blog. 

I've been essentially concentrating on:-
1) Job hunting and application - No luck on the permanent front just yet.  It's been slow slog.  Having to write job applications after job applications.  One would have thought that with all the rejection I've gotten I would have build up a tough hide - becoming accustom to it's sting.  I have to say, the sting of rejection doesn't quite go away.  You get jaded yes ... but it still essentially sets you with the self doubting, cheerless wobbles ... the sort that makes you wonder why you even bother trying!  But one must keep on trying ... after you pick yourself up that is.  And it's been hard graft being back at the job hunting drawing board ... looking for suitable jobs to apply to and going through the motions of the application process.

Having said that, I am indeed grateful for this part time job I've been going to a couple times a week.  It keeps me busy.  Although I have to admit, it's not quite as interesting and challenging as it once was.  My days, I have to say are numbered.  And there's only so much one can do in that small company that is very much set in their ways.

2) Social 'integration' - this is the fun part of life.  Meeting up with friends.  Old and new.  Had dim sum with old school mates in London on Sunday.  It was good to catch up and meet some of their own friends.  Picnic in the park.  More hanging out and girl chats over chips.  Life couldn't be better ... though I can't say BFL found it all very invigorating.  He fell asleep on the picnic blanket while we yakked away.  Good boy. 

3)  Couple explorations  - we spent the bank holiday Monday (supposedly the British version of Labour day) exploring south east london.  Beginning with the O2 centre, the Emirates Cable car into Royal Victoria Docks - more docklands in the midst of being regentrified and redeveloped.  It was fascinating roaming the East London - an area we hardly go into. Quite by accident (having taken the wrong train) discovered where UEL is.  I don't believe we've ever gone so far east! 

Back on tracks, we ventured back into Greenwich - which is a place we both like, for a spot of lunch and some browsing.  I half expected to bump into AC - that being her neck of the woods.  And it was her after all that first introduced me to where Greenwich was. 

AC - I do wonder about her and her partner sometimes.  Often relief follows.  Glad that I no longer have to answer to her dominating ways.  Glad I no longer have to please her and J.  It's sad, but I am rather glad we are no longer in touch - because if we did, she would be one tough aunt to please and I'd always feel guiltily obligated for her doing what she did for me when I first arrived.  It's not that I'm being ungrateful.  I am grateful and always will be.  But one must move on.  She has shown her true colours.  It was not for the sake of wanting to see me succeed but more of the fact of wanting to control my life and be smug about being better than me.  I've nothing against anyone being better than I am - but to do it on purpose and be a stumbling block to others is not exactly what I would define as 'good deeds'.  Life's too short to waste it over trying to please toxic people.  Move on, we must.

And there we have it.  In a nutshell.  What i've been up to since end of April and the beginning of May.  Moving onwards - into this beautiful spring days.  Hopefully the bright, dry days would last ... and we'd have a proper spring and summer this year. :)

For the mean time, over and out! :)