A month on ..

And we've moved closer towards moving.  We've been hunting for places to go to.  Found a place we both thought we'd like to come home to and raise a family.  It's not the perfect of places, but the best given the circumstances.  Prices are high.  It's a sellers market with not much to buy.  We've made a offer and fingers crossed ... we will see ...

I would be so sad to leave this cosy little flat of ours ... but needs must.  Often times moving onwards means letting go of what you know best and relying on God's grace and mercy to see you through.  And that's what we've both been praying since we broached the subject of moving.  It has not been easy.  I had always harbored hopes that we may get the bottom flat and still live on the same road ... but I suppose God knows better.  His ways higher than ours ...

I have to say, it's taken us nearly a year to galvanize efforts towards where we are today.  We knew we would have to face having to move eventually but both didn't quite want to face it yet.  Interestingly enough it was BFL who had lived here 28 years to take the lead - with yours truly dawdling reluctantly from behind.  My complaint had always been 'I've just moved from my country of origins ... I particularly don't want to move house!'

This is perhaps not the last of our moves - but a move that would remain for a while yet.  A nearly forever home - where I can sink roots and make the place ours.  A house to start a family and raise children in ...

Then on the work front, things have become much more pleasant.  The prima donna has now preoccupied with her new role and no longer bosses us about nor feigns self importance.  I have submitted an application within the organisation for a better paying job.  If she can do it, so can I ... and better too (since am more qualified and experienced).

So fingers crossed.  And our hopes are with God.  He that plans to bless us and prospers us.

On not so up a side, the stalker has written again - hoping by the carrots he dangles, he would eventually 'bait the fish'.  While I can't help but praise God at how he's delivered me from living a charmless hopeless life, I am also mindful to pray for protection when BFL and I visit the parents.  My home town as much as I love has become a place where people sell their souls cheap.  He may have spies about and I have prayed that although they see they cannot find. That God's covering and protection will always be with us.  That inspite of all the people that harbor ill intents,  He will still make a way for us and bless our time with family and good friends. 

To move ...

Well, to move is the only way forward.  I've since psyched self up into looking at properties online.  The next step is to actually view them and find a house in a location that not only fits our bill of needs but also a location that's strategic.  This covers:
a) good public transport links
b) facilities and amenities like shops, schools, child care, medical services
c) safe and clean neighbourhood with a sense of community
d) most of all, a nice spacious house with a garden, enough rooms to have a couple children and visiting family, and a kitchen with an island.

We've both decided to put the flat on the market in the near future.  With BFL away on a familiarisation tour this would have to wait until he returns.  This would hopefully be the longest time we would be apart ...  am already praying for his safe return. 

Come end of the month, would be our first anniversary.  How time flies when we both love being with each other!  Mean time, there's his trip next week to face.  Am not looking forward being on my own but God be with each of us.

To move or not to move ...

That's been the question that's being weighing on both our mind.  The question the dominates most discussions lately.  I am not exactly in favour of moving out of the locality.  My argument being, location, location, location (nothing can been that when it comes to property).  BFL's argument on the other hand is that our flat is not exactly the most suitable if we wanted to start a family.  More space is needed.  Hence, the need to move out (since prices where we are at the moment has gone from expensive to ridiculously expensive).

Having not thoroughly explored alternatives I find myself digging my heels.  Yet another argument of mine is, I've just moved country of residence, I don't want to move just yet (so all's not smiley faces like the picture above)! 

And so the stress of having to drag self from this comfort zone to psyching self up to move.  More space.  A garden. A larger kitchen - with an island, raising a family, a dog ... in other words, much more to look forward to.  If only I learn to let go of what I have at the moment and venture into this option with a clear mind.

It's not easy.  Letting go of what one has at the moment for the unknown.  Better a bird in hand than two in the bush.  So the old adage goes.  And I suppose I've more or less operated on the same principle.  This largely explains why I've stuck with bad options (bad relationships, dead end jobs) for longer than one normally would.   You would have thought I learnt my lesson - having been there and done that and come out of that older and I'd like to think, wiser.  Yet at the way I am struggling right now about moving is showing that I've not grown any wiser. 

All's not lost, however.  I did move on eventually ... from bad relationships and dead end jobs.  Just not as quickly as one ought to.  I suppose I just wanted to know for certain that I had exhausted all options.  That there's really no hope after all.  I am as reserved and seemingly pessimistic as I am, I am secretly a hopeful optimist.

So, here I am at the moment. Struggling with the question.  To move or not to move ... (Noooo!)

Memorial and beyond

Mum's memorial service was last Thursday.  8th August 2013.  Seven weeks the day she died.  It turned out beautifully.  Nearly 200 people came.  I had a chance to be introduced to family and friends.  It was rather funny too that ... my being the only other Oriental in the fray (the other being one of Hugo's oldest friend's wife who's Korean).  Its interesting too how life comes in circle.  Mum considered one of her happiest times abroad was in Malaya (inspite of the communist insurgency).  Many years later, a Malaysian makes her way to UK (for a spell).  Hoping to herself in a country she's spent her happiest years.  Little did she know that that she would end up staying ....

Life, and its circles.  Who would have known ... ?  Only with hindsight, one realises how even with the most seemingly 'sporadic of spurious correlations' that we are indeed more linked to each other than we care to think.

Coincidences?  Or was it a purposeful design?  When I reflect upon Mum's life, I not only marvel at what an amazing life she's led and with such grace and resilience too.  She will be my inspiration on moving onwards and upwards despite the odds.  She was told after being shot by terrorist that she would not be able to bear any children ... yet she's born two.  Miracles from God ... one of which is BFL. 

If I look back upon how life have led up to this moment.  Meeting BFL.  Falling in love.  Getting married and Mum happily having finally witnessed her son marrying his love match in her - the chances of what had been is probably closer to nil than it would be what it presently is.  All by the grace of God go we.  All by God's amazing and abundant blessings we come under ...

The good Canon who married us was initially deign to give mum's eulogy.  Mum had always wanted that.  She was more than thrilled he was asked to marry us instead on that funny round about way we got engaged last year and interestingly married on the same day where Archangels feasted.  Michaelmas day - where the greatest of Archangels is honored in defeating Lucifer in the way of heaven.  Who would have known ...?

I don't think the warring has stopped but the decision to follow God has certainly been the best decision I've made my entire life.  Although to be honest, there were moments where I did seriously doubt if things were going to pan out ... but almost always it's worked out well beyond what I can imagine. 

I once pointed out in one of my earlier blogs that I'm living my dreams with my eyes wide open ...
And even if some days can be more trying than others - I still have much to be grateful for.  BFL.  Family.  Good friends.  Even great opportunities where many locals simply don't have.  So here's to onwards and upwards ... and to divine encouragement (however that may materialise)
when times get hard.

A quiet lull ...

My bad.  I've not been posting.  Mainly because there's work to reckon with and come evening there's much to be done (cooking, cleaning) or wanting to simply relax.  

The young prima donna have toned down a notch.  However not before she insinuated that I had annoyed people using her name via the phone or emails.  Not once but twice.  Uncomfortable as it was, I thank God He saw me through.  The power of prayer.  I no longer bristle with her accusations.  Rude, unbecoming behaviour has since been embodied in her name.  Sadly though ... it was a pretty name.  Just the person fraught by insecurities reacting by being aggressive.

I prayed for favour. I prayed too that God will show me a way of dealing effectively with this bullying behaviour.  He provided me a way to distance myself.  Interestingly, all via her doing.  She assigned me to manage the diaries of the HR and Finance Director whom I now work quite closely with given the increased volume of work that needs to be done and loom deadlines.

On yet another front, I had an interview last week with a well established institute that deals in the area that I am interested in.  They said I would know by this week.  So we will see.  Fingers crossed.  The darling BFL has been praying really hard that I would get this new job - having heard my daily tales of 'S' negative behaviour towards yours truly.

It will all turn out well at the end - so that's my hope.  God has already promised to that His aim is to prosper us ... and I believe it will be so.  

The power of prayer ...

I prayed this morning that things would bear up positively.  That somehow ... inspite of being marginalised, I would find favour in what I do. 

This morning the assumingly 'superior' (yet another prima donna ... what is it about red heads and having a complex?!) had a change of heart.  She probably had an address from the second 'Head' - stating she's simply got to learn to manage and delegate.  No point getting all stressed out by becoming a control freak.

The ... let's call her Prima Donna (II), aware of her short comings (particularly her not very healthy self) has decided to heed the second 'Head's' advice.  So yes, she's still in the every exclusive of the team - the Executive and is able to retain her sense of self importance and power and not be too stressed while being at it.

So!  I'll now manage the HR director and Finance Director's diaries.  While the other newbie will manage the two other director's diaries.  That's a start ... else we (LL and I) would not have much to do and we don't want to be seen as not doing anything either.

Onwards and upwards, Lord...?

Being marginalised ...

I've never been made to feel so marginalised on a job before.  To be singled out and exclusively not be included in a staff meeting ...  that hurt.  First person who heard my hurts were none other than BFL.  And he being an eternal optimist piped that its better to not be in a meeting and hear others drone on about things that mostly don't quite concern one.  I suppose in a way he has a point.  I never liked being in meetings. 

Anyway ... that was my day so far.  Yet another challenge to reckon with.  All I ask is for my qualifications, experiences and talents to be recognised and fitted into a role that I can further develop and make a career of.

Hard as it is, like BFL says, there are still more pluses than minuses.  I will stick to it.  I know my being there (that very 'impressive CV' whom one of the directors mistook the new comer to be owner of while I standing right beside her).  Anyway, least I know he's impressed by the CV.  Just ... I seem to be rather faceless and nameless at the moment.

Lord, is it too much to ask that my days be filled with favour?  Favoured by people who make up my day.  Favoured by those in positions of influences that I can finally 'move up' the ladder.  You promised to prosper us.  Yet, am not certain why you've thrown me such a hard curve ball that actually made a dent in my self esteem. 

Yet, my hope is in You.  I shall just (with Your help) learn to get over that bump in the road and move onwards.  Upwards.