Memorial and beyond

Mum's memorial service was last Thursday.  8th August 2013.  Seven weeks the day she died.  It turned out beautifully.  Nearly 200 people came.  I had a chance to be introduced to family and friends.  It was rather funny too that ... my being the only other Oriental in the fray (the other being one of Hugo's oldest friend's wife who's Korean).  Its interesting too how life comes in circle.  Mum considered one of her happiest times abroad was in Malaya (inspite of the communist insurgency).  Many years later, a Malaysian makes her way to UK (for a spell).  Hoping to herself in a country she's spent her happiest years.  Little did she know that that she would end up staying ....

Life, and its circles.  Who would have known ... ?  Only with hindsight, one realises how even with the most seemingly 'sporadic of spurious correlations' that we are indeed more linked to each other than we care to think.

Coincidences?  Or was it a purposeful design?  When I reflect upon Mum's life, I not only marvel at what an amazing life she's led and with such grace and resilience too.  She will be my inspiration on moving onwards and upwards despite the odds.  She was told after being shot by terrorist that she would not be able to bear any children ... yet she's born two.  Miracles from God ... one of which is BFL. 

If I look back upon how life have led up to this moment.  Meeting BFL.  Falling in love.  Getting married and Mum happily having finally witnessed her son marrying his love match in her - the chances of what had been is probably closer to nil than it would be what it presently is.  All by the grace of God go we.  All by God's amazing and abundant blessings we come under ...

The good Canon who married us was initially deign to give mum's eulogy.  Mum had always wanted that.  She was more than thrilled he was asked to marry us instead on that funny round about way we got engaged last year and interestingly married on the same day where Archangels feasted.  Michaelmas day - where the greatest of Archangels is honored in defeating Lucifer in the way of heaven.  Who would have known ...?

I don't think the warring has stopped but the decision to follow God has certainly been the best decision I've made my entire life.  Although to be honest, there were moments where I did seriously doubt if things were going to pan out ... but almost always it's worked out well beyond what I can imagine. 

I once pointed out in one of my earlier blogs that I'm living my dreams with my eyes wide open ...
And even if some days can be more trying than others - I still have much to be grateful for.  BFL.  Family.  Good friends.  Even great opportunities where many locals simply don't have.  So here's to onwards and upwards ... and to divine encouragement (however that may materialise)
when times get hard.

A quiet lull ...

My bad.  I've not been posting.  Mainly because there's work to reckon with and come evening there's much to be done (cooking, cleaning) or wanting to simply relax.  

The young prima donna have toned down a notch.  However not before she insinuated that I had annoyed people using her name via the phone or emails.  Not once but twice.  Uncomfortable as it was, I thank God He saw me through.  The power of prayer.  I no longer bristle with her accusations.  Rude, unbecoming behaviour has since been embodied in her name.  Sadly though ... it was a pretty name.  Just the person fraught by insecurities reacting by being aggressive.

I prayed for favour. I prayed too that God will show me a way of dealing effectively with this bullying behaviour.  He provided me a way to distance myself.  Interestingly, all via her doing.  She assigned me to manage the diaries of the HR and Finance Director whom I now work quite closely with given the increased volume of work that needs to be done and loom deadlines.

On yet another front, I had an interview last week with a well established institute that deals in the area that I am interested in.  They said I would know by this week.  So we will see.  Fingers crossed.  The darling BFL has been praying really hard that I would get this new job - having heard my daily tales of 'S' negative behaviour towards yours truly.

It will all turn out well at the end - so that's my hope.  God has already promised to that His aim is to prosper us ... and I believe it will be so.  

The power of prayer ...

I prayed this morning that things would bear up positively.  That somehow ... inspite of being marginalised, I would find favour in what I do. 

This morning the assumingly 'superior' (yet another prima donna ... what is it about red heads and having a complex?!) had a change of heart.  She probably had an address from the second 'Head' - stating she's simply got to learn to manage and delegate.  No point getting all stressed out by becoming a control freak.

The ... let's call her Prima Donna (II), aware of her short comings (particularly her not very healthy self) has decided to heed the second 'Head's' advice.  So yes, she's still in the every exclusive of the team - the Executive and is able to retain her sense of self importance and power and not be too stressed while being at it.

So!  I'll now manage the HR director and Finance Director's diaries.  While the other newbie will manage the two other director's diaries.  That's a start ... else we (LL and I) would not have much to do and we don't want to be seen as not doing anything either.

Onwards and upwards, Lord...?

Being marginalised ...

I've never been made to feel so marginalised on a job before.  To be singled out and exclusively not be included in a staff meeting ...  that hurt.  First person who heard my hurts were none other than BFL.  And he being an eternal optimist piped that its better to not be in a meeting and hear others drone on about things that mostly don't quite concern one.  I suppose in a way he has a point.  I never liked being in meetings. 

Anyway ... that was my day so far.  Yet another challenge to reckon with.  All I ask is for my qualifications, experiences and talents to be recognised and fitted into a role that I can further develop and make a career of.

Hard as it is, like BFL says, there are still more pluses than minuses.  I will stick to it.  I know my being there (that very 'impressive CV' whom one of the directors mistook the new comer to be owner of while I standing right beside her).  Anyway, least I know he's impressed by the CV.  Just ... I seem to be rather faceless and nameless at the moment.

Lord, is it too much to ask that my days be filled with favour?  Favoured by people who make up my day.  Favoured by those in positions of influences that I can finally 'move up' the ladder.  You promised to prosper us.  Yet, am not certain why you've thrown me such a hard curve ball that actually made a dent in my self esteem. 

Yet, my hope is in You.  I shall just (with Your help) learn to get over that bump in the road and move onwards.  Upwards.

The first week on the job - done

I've now been a week on the job.  So far so good.  Work wise is engagement but not overly stressful which is good.  As per colleagues, there is a certain aloofness regarding a couple of characters.  Particularly one I work quite closely with.  It makes me fairly wary ... like where I was previously, it feels like yet another episode of 'trodding on eggshells'.  Maybe I simply got to learn to 'manage people's expectations' so to speak.  In this context mine.  It's only a job.  Don't take it personally.  Repeat like mantra.

It was tougher yesterday when the nuances of it hit me like a tonne of bricks.  First impressions were very good but a few days on and I sense a kind of cool reservation.  Maybe I do my job too quickly ... I don't know really ... perhaps she's simply overwhelmed by her job.  The big boss after all is quite a prickly character to be reckon with.

Lord whatever it is, I still ask for favour in what I do.  Help me get along with people I already don't quite like.  Also help me work effectively with these people.

Round peg, square hole ...

I suppose all of us at one stage of our lives or another have felt like we didn't fit in - like a round peg in a square hole.  It's one of those things ... looking for a place to fit in.  A comfortable, familiar environment that one can thrive in.

I am, like everyone else yearn for that ... a place to 'fit in'.  More so now that I'm working in this new country of origin.  More often than not, it's that gut feeling that tells you whether you've 'found' the right place or not.   Sometimes without rhyme or reason you simply just 'know'.  Instincts process information far swifter than logic and reason tend to claim.  Meeting BFL for instance, I eventually 'knew'.  It was as if we've known each other for longer than it actually was and loving being together that marriage was naturally the next step.

 Job wise, it's a little trickier.  There's not only the job to reckon with but most importantly having to get along and like the people you're put with.   That usually spells complications altogether ...

Anyhows, this new job has lots to do.  It's engaging and I do feel that I am not only being challenged but am learning the ropes of a set up.  Yet, there's the colleagues to be reckon with.  I am to date the only non-British on the team.  My name my sound very anglophile but essentially, I am Malaysian and the 'temp'.  I don't speak with the same accent, to the core of it I don't look the least bit like them.  That's just touching on the superficial ... at the core of it all, they view me with a kind of 'reservation' while I try my very best to get on and assist.

I know at the heart of it all, because I am not essentially British I will never be able to 'fit in' like the new recruits have done.  I guess I shouldn't take it so personally either ... none of them actually knows what the future holds or a clue about their employment contract.   Admittedly, that not knowing - for someone the likes of me is somewhat worrying.  Yet on the flipside, at the end of the three weeks where I come off my temp contract, I would know whether there is indeed opportunities to venture onwards in this set up or to look elsewhere.  Oh, the uncertainty of it all!

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise, but God I sure worry.  I know you have been faithful so far.  You've not allowed me to fall in such a manner that I would beg for my keep.  That would have been the case had it been with A C.  She by her actions forced me to choose to mindlessly 'follow her' or to trust You.  I chose You.  And you have been amazing so far ...

So Lord, even as I worry ... feeling a little demoralised and marginalised by uncertainty I know Lord You will somehow see me through.  You have made rivers in deserts and made a way for me to be here when there was no way.  And you will essentially do the same in this instant.

I pray Lord that when I do feel low like this, remind me of your goodness and how lucky I am. 

Who would have known ...?

... A week from my last entry, I found myself a job and am now easing into the routine of administrative and assisting work with a quango.  All thanks to the help of a very really recruitment consultant.

Am not quite sure how long I'll be with this 'quango' - but it's in a sector that I was familiar with and am now learning the ropes of set ups and implementing new programmes and policies in this newly adopted country of residence.

Futhermore, it's on the same walking route as darling BFL.  We've now both walked into work twice - with this being only my third day on the job.

God is great.  That's a start ... and a start like this is both very encouraging and morally uplifting.  For a while I did wonder if anything were to go our way.  But I suppose all in good time.  And when He ordains it, things fall into place so amazingly well you sometimes can't help but marvel at the 'coincidences'.

Admittedly, though - it's giving me a lower pay rate.  But better be in a job earning something (in this dismal economic climate) than none.  That's the way I see it anyway.  We've been incredibly blessed - both BFL and I.  We live in central London.  Commute is minimal.  While i may be starting all over again, I believe He never gives us less than what we are accustom to.  God never short changes.  Infact, quite the opposite, His plans are to bless and enable us to prosper and be fruitful.

Just when you least expect it, ... the right thing seem to come along.  God's both amazing and surprising in his own way.

So in the midst of tying up Mum's estate and planning her memorial - a thanks giving ceremony of a life well lived, who would have known ... the run up to the day would lead to this?  Thank you Lord!