The power of prayer ...

I prayed this morning that things would bear up positively.  That somehow ... inspite of being marginalised, I would find favour in what I do. 

This morning the assumingly 'superior' (yet another prima donna ... what is it about red heads and having a complex?!) had a change of heart.  She probably had an address from the second 'Head' - stating she's simply got to learn to manage and delegate.  No point getting all stressed out by becoming a control freak.

The ... let's call her Prima Donna (II), aware of her short comings (particularly her not very healthy self) has decided to heed the second 'Head's' advice.  So yes, she's still in the every exclusive of the team - the Executive and is able to retain her sense of self importance and power and not be too stressed while being at it.

So!  I'll now manage the HR director and Finance Director's diaries.  While the other newbie will manage the two other director's diaries.  That's a start ... else we (LL and I) would not have much to do and we don't want to be seen as not doing anything either.

Onwards and upwards, Lord...?

Being marginalised ...

I've never been made to feel so marginalised on a job before.  To be singled out and exclusively not be included in a staff meeting ...  that hurt.  First person who heard my hurts were none other than BFL.  And he being an eternal optimist piped that its better to not be in a meeting and hear others drone on about things that mostly don't quite concern one.  I suppose in a way he has a point.  I never liked being in meetings. 

Anyway ... that was my day so far.  Yet another challenge to reckon with.  All I ask is for my qualifications, experiences and talents to be recognised and fitted into a role that I can further develop and make a career of.

Hard as it is, like BFL says, there are still more pluses than minuses.  I will stick to it.  I know my being there (that very 'impressive CV' whom one of the directors mistook the new comer to be owner of while I standing right beside her).  Anyway, least I know he's impressed by the CV.  Just ... I seem to be rather faceless and nameless at the moment.

Lord, is it too much to ask that my days be filled with favour?  Favoured by people who make up my day.  Favoured by those in positions of influences that I can finally 'move up' the ladder.  You promised to prosper us.  Yet, am not certain why you've thrown me such a hard curve ball that actually made a dent in my self esteem. 

Yet, my hope is in You.  I shall just (with Your help) learn to get over that bump in the road and move onwards.  Upwards.

The first week on the job - done

I've now been a week on the job.  So far so good.  Work wise is engagement but not overly stressful which is good.  As per colleagues, there is a certain aloofness regarding a couple of characters.  Particularly one I work quite closely with.  It makes me fairly wary ... like where I was previously, it feels like yet another episode of 'trodding on eggshells'.  Maybe I simply got to learn to 'manage people's expectations' so to speak.  In this context mine.  It's only a job.  Don't take it personally.  Repeat like mantra.

It was tougher yesterday when the nuances of it hit me like a tonne of bricks.  First impressions were very good but a few days on and I sense a kind of cool reservation.  Maybe I do my job too quickly ... I don't know really ... perhaps she's simply overwhelmed by her job.  The big boss after all is quite a prickly character to be reckon with.

Lord whatever it is, I still ask for favour in what I do.  Help me get along with people I already don't quite like.  Also help me work effectively with these people.

Round peg, square hole ...

I suppose all of us at one stage of our lives or another have felt like we didn't fit in - like a round peg in a square hole.  It's one of those things ... looking for a place to fit in.  A comfortable, familiar environment that one can thrive in.

I am, like everyone else yearn for that ... a place to 'fit in'.  More so now that I'm working in this new country of origin.  More often than not, it's that gut feeling that tells you whether you've 'found' the right place or not.   Sometimes without rhyme or reason you simply just 'know'.  Instincts process information far swifter than logic and reason tend to claim.  Meeting BFL for instance, I eventually 'knew'.  It was as if we've known each other for longer than it actually was and loving being together that marriage was naturally the next step.

 Job wise, it's a little trickier.  There's not only the job to reckon with but most importantly having to get along and like the people you're put with.   That usually spells complications altogether ...

Anyhows, this new job has lots to do.  It's engaging and I do feel that I am not only being challenged but am learning the ropes of a set up.  Yet, there's the colleagues to be reckon with.  I am to date the only non-British on the team.  My name my sound very anglophile but essentially, I am Malaysian and the 'temp'.  I don't speak with the same accent, to the core of it I don't look the least bit like them.  That's just touching on the superficial ... at the core of it all, they view me with a kind of 'reservation' while I try my very best to get on and assist.

I know at the heart of it all, because I am not essentially British I will never be able to 'fit in' like the new recruits have done.  I guess I shouldn't take it so personally either ... none of them actually knows what the future holds or a clue about their employment contract.   Admittedly, that not knowing - for someone the likes of me is somewhat worrying.  Yet on the flipside, at the end of the three weeks where I come off my temp contract, I would know whether there is indeed opportunities to venture onwards in this set up or to look elsewhere.  Oh, the uncertainty of it all!

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise, but God I sure worry.  I know you have been faithful so far.  You've not allowed me to fall in such a manner that I would beg for my keep.  That would have been the case had it been with A C.  She by her actions forced me to choose to mindlessly 'follow her' or to trust You.  I chose You.  And you have been amazing so far ...

So Lord, even as I worry ... feeling a little demoralised and marginalised by uncertainty I know Lord You will somehow see me through.  You have made rivers in deserts and made a way for me to be here when there was no way.  And you will essentially do the same in this instant.

I pray Lord that when I do feel low like this, remind me of your goodness and how lucky I am. 

Who would have known ...?

... A week from my last entry, I found myself a job and am now easing into the routine of administrative and assisting work with a quango.  All thanks to the help of a very really recruitment consultant.

Am not quite sure how long I'll be with this 'quango' - but it's in a sector that I was familiar with and am now learning the ropes of set ups and implementing new programmes and policies in this newly adopted country of residence.

Futhermore, it's on the same walking route as darling BFL.  We've now both walked into work twice - with this being only my third day on the job.

God is great.  That's a start ... and a start like this is both very encouraging and morally uplifting.  For a while I did wonder if anything were to go our way.  But I suppose all in good time.  And when He ordains it, things fall into place so amazingly well you sometimes can't help but marvel at the 'coincidences'.

Admittedly, though - it's giving me a lower pay rate.  But better be in a job earning something (in this dismal economic climate) than none.  That's the way I see it anyway.  We've been incredibly blessed - both BFL and I.  We live in central London.  Commute is minimal.  While i may be starting all over again, I believe He never gives us less than what we are accustom to.  God never short changes.  Infact, quite the opposite, His plans are to bless and enable us to prosper and be fruitful.

Just when you least expect it, ... the right thing seem to come along.  God's both amazing and surprising in his own way.

So in the midst of tying up Mum's estate and planning her memorial - a thanks giving ceremony of a life well lived, who would have known ... the run up to the day would lead to this?  Thank you Lord!